I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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