TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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