Plan B is the new Plan A
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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