Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I need to calm my uterus...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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