True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
