My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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