The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
