I hate your face
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Sober January is a disaster.
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I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
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I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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