fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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