great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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