somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
