I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
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Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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