So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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