and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my being single is dangerous.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
