When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
