Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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