is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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