Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize