We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
