Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
