I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
