theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
