Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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