You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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