in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
