If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
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This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
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I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have already put on my inside pants.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar