that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.