So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
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I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
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She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?