I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.