I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.