the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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