so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.