have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
