Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
