too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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