i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
