I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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