I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
