Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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