so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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