I cockslap morals
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
