Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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