woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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