She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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