her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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