why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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