the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
