His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
