I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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