she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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