I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize