Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
a search helicopter?!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
