The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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