she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
