I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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