Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
