Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
