can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm both gender and math confused
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize