You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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