Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
