You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
