Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
