Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There r osticjed everywhere
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
