It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
