So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
