He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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