she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
