How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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