I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
