He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
