I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
