I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
