I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
false alarm, still single
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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