Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
