Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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