ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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