You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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