Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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