just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
