so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
