What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
